Become Internally Driven, Not Externally Driven

One day, if someone gets up on the right side of the bed and calls me and says, "You are the greatest person on earth. You are doing a great job and I want you to know I am honored to call you a friend," I know he is sincere. How does it make me feel? Great. But the next day, he gets up on the wrong side of the bed, picks up the phone and says, "You rascal, you cheat, you crook! You are the biggest fraud in town." How does it make me feel? Terrible.

So the first day when he says "you are the greatest guy," I feel great and the next day when he says "you rascal," I feel terrible. Who is controlling my life? Obviously, he is. Is that the way I want to go through life? Not at all.

That is being externally driven.\I want to be internally driven. When he calls me and says I am the greatest guy, it is good to hear those words. But even if he doesn't say those words, in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. And the next day when he rips me apart, he can't really, because in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. When people make statements like, "You make me angry," the focus of control is external. But if I say I am angry or I choose to be angry, the focus of control is internal.

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

--Eleanor Roosevelt

There is a story about an ancient Indian sage who was called ugly names by a passerby. The sage listened unperturbed till the man ran out of words. He asked the man, "If an offering is not accepted, who does it belong to?" The man replied, "It belongs to the person who offered it." The sage said, "I refuse to accept your offering," and walked away, leaving the man dazed. The sage was internally driven.

So long as we blame outside sources, our miseries will continue and we will feel helpless. Unless we accept responsibility for our feelings and behavior, we cannot change. The first step is to ask:

• Why did I get upset?

• Why am I angry?

• Why am I depressed?

Then we start getting the clues to overcome them.

Happiness is a result of positive self-esteem. If you ask people what makes them happy, you will get all kinds of answer. Most of them would include material things but that is not really true.

Happiness comes from being and not having. One can have everything in life and yet not be happy. The reverse is also true.

Happiness is internal. Happiness is like a butterfly. You run after it, it keeps flying away. If you stand still, it comes and sits on your shoulder.

Develop a Mindset That Brings Happiness

Bitterness is a sign of emotional failure. It paralyzes our capacity to do good. Set your own standards. Be honest to yourself. Compete against yourself. Do the following:

• Look for the positive in every person and in every situation.

• Resolve to be happy.

• Set your own standards judiciously.

• Develop an immunity to negative criticism.

• Learn to find pleasure in every little thing.

• Remember all times are not the same. Ups and downs are part of life.

• Make the best of every situation.

• Keep yourself constructively occupied.

• Help others less fortunate than yourself.

• Learn to get over things. Don't brood.

• Forgive yourself and others. Don't hold guilt or bear grudges.